Well, this trip has taught me a lot about myself already! I thought that I was strong, independent and brave. I also thought I was capable of making good decisions. I think was wrong.
I want to come home. I haven't even made it Padang, I've only been gone two days but I miss my friends and family so much. And I really, really miss Nick. If he was here, this wouldn't be scary. I don't think I can do this 'alone' thing. Especially not when I have a perfectly good relationship sitting at home. And I feel awful hearing that he is sad. It just makes me want to come back home even more. I really think I made the wrong decision to go on my own. WE could have gone somewhere together, but I am so impatient...
There are issues with my visa. First of all it couldn't get processed yesterday as originally expected, as the embassy was closed for Singapore National Day. And today it might not be ready in time for me to catch my flight, or may even be rejected on the basis of it being a digital photo (my school director keeps saying digital is ok, but my embassy go-between says no. We shall soon see who is right). So I might have to stay in Singapore for longer, maybe catch boats and things tomorrow. I DEFINITELY get boat sick.
None of these are world-ending issues. I could deal with them if there was someone else here. And I think I could deal with being in Padang on my own, because I would be working towards belonging somewhere. But here I am in transit. I don't belong anywhere, I don't feel comfortable or at home anywhere, and the longer I am here, there more that goes wrong, the more I remember that I am only a flight away from my loved ones... and is breaking a contract to a stranger so bad... I want to be strong, I want to be brave, but it's really, really hard. And I miss my boyfriend a lot.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Naomi, you ARE strong, independent and brave - that's why you're in Singapore at the moment, and we're in Melbourne. Things don't always go to plan and that will only make you stronger, braver and more independent. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure? Cos I think maybe I'm in Singapore because I am rash and foolish... It's only when things go wrong that I get upset. The rest of time it is ok. I enjoyed myself yesterday when I was sightseeing around chinatown... but visas are so stressful, and I am so sick of the phrase "I can't promise anything..."
ReplyDeleteThings will be better once you get to Padang. Being in transit sucks. Visas are incredibly stressful (I mean, a red background for the application photo, really) and you have every reason to be upset. If this doesn't work out for some reason, take a holiday before coming home. (A PROPER one - spending a few days in Singapore doesn't count!) Many hugs.
ReplyDeleteHey Nai,
ReplyDeletePaul here, having somehow now set up my own blog. Maybe I'll use it, maybe I won't.
Anyway...
What you're feeling is entirely natural. While I can't speak for overseas travel, I can recall having a massive freak out during my first few weeks in Melbourne. It came in the middle of taking the wrong bus home from uni and ending up in Box Hill, confused, lonely and missing my familiar life in Ballarat.
It will pass and I'm sure you'll get the very best out of this experience.
Hey Naomie. It sounds like you're kind of freaking out. Don't forget that you are, like, in Singapore. How cool is that! Q. How clean is it there? A. Fucking clean.
ReplyDeleteCan you post a picture on your blog of the bus sign which prohibits durian fruit with you in the picture? Can you buy a weird looking fruit and post a picture of you eating it? Maybe if you get stuck in Singapore you can catch a bus to Kuala Lumpa. It's about 5-6 hour trip. You don't need no visa or nothin to get into Malaysia.
Have you been to look at the shipping. Just south of singapore is the busiest shipping route in the world. Apparantly seeing all those huge ship going past is pretty amazing. They have pirates nearby too, I assume that they are about the same ugliness as Johnny Dep.
Meh. I am feeling a little bit better now- I am no longer crying all over the place- but I am stuck waiting for another two hours, and I am stressed out. Because I am stressed, I can't eat. I have a cold from changes in climate, and I used all my tissues crying.
ReplyDeleteThe hostel here is very sad right now- the host's girlfriend's family dislike him, and wont let him talk to her, and say that she has gone back to Medan (Indonesia). So he is sad and stressy, and strangely clingy to his guests. I was going to change to the other hostel branch tonight, but he doesn't want me to go. It's nice, but a bit odd. The other hostel is near the beach, it might be nice to go there.
By the way, I am in Chinatown, which is not quite so clean as other parts of Singapore. I haven't seen the signs to which you refer, Marty! But I have seen clean parts, walked along Orachrd Rd today. I like the grungy bit sof Chinatown, but am getting the feeling that Singapore is entirely populated by old Chinese men drinking coffee and playing checkers...
Hi Naomi,
ReplyDeletehang in there. Being "in transit" is the most challenging part of travelling alone. Especially when things go wrong. Move to the other hostel if it's nicer, don't let others drag you down. This is your first o's trip and it will be challenging but you're there and we're here wishing we were you! Stop worrying about others! You need to follow your dreams. Love youXX Ring if you're lonely!PS your friends are great!