Self reflection

I wrote this about two weeks into my trip, and I don't think my feelings have changed too much. Anything in italics is a present addition to a six week old journal entry.

Is it possible to find oneself by removing all familiar aspects of one's life? In losing myself in a foreign country, I am hoping to learn who I am at my core. So far I have confirmed (but not newly discovered, I kind of knew these things already):

-I love teaching. I love learning. I love challenging people to think and discover and want to know more. I love spending time with children, and teenagers.

-I am such a people person. I wish I had someone to share my experiences with. It would make them more beautiful than they are. They don't seem fully lived on my own. Having been on my own, I know I can do it alone, but I don't enjoy it. I am independent enough to cope, but I think life should be about enjoyment, not functioning.

-I set myself very high expectations. I expect too much of myself. I need to learn to take baby steps. I need to be realistic. I need to cut myself some slack. It was SO hard to decide to come home, because of my stubborness and self expectation. I thought I could do this, and therefore I was NOT whimping out. I'm still having waves of shame for coming home, even though I know I would have been miserable staying a year.

-I rush too much. I need to relax. Indonesian society is much slower than Australia. I enjoy that.

-I love language. My refuge, when things become difficult, is to read. Now I am a bit more comfortable here, I am revelling in becoming involved in the language. I'd like to study languages when I come home. The need to communicate is an intense part of who I am.

- I am emotional and affectionate. Sometimes this clouds my judgement, but it is a large part of who I am. It makes me generous and friendly. I value these traits in others, I should learn to value them mor ein myself.

-I actually really enjoy travelling. I love the unfamiliarity and unexpected landscapes and situations.

- I love animals. I wanna get me apet! And I want to do more to protect animals and their habitats. This was said because animals are treated really poorly in Indonesia. The zoo at Bukitinggi made me cry- just concrete pits with listless animals at the bottom. Dogs live in tiny cages, or chained in concrete yards. It's really sad.

-I am very fortunate. I have loving friends and family. I do not want for essentials. I have opportunities to travel, to educate myself, to make my own choices. In a first world country, we can forget how valuable these things are. They make a true world of difference.

-I am stronger than I often give myself credit for.