I had a crack-it-moment today. It came on the back of an emotional afternoon, in which My Awesome Mentor told her VCAL boys she's leaving at the end of term, so I was already a tad brittle. Then there was a staff meeting at which it kind of hammered home to me that, even if I stuck out this incredibly hard year, with the boys being super-ratty, it is EXTREMELY likely I won't have a job. And then I cried at work. Ugh.
Here's the thing. Because the school was 'under threat', I could onl;y be offered a short term contract. They needed me, they wanted me to commit for the whole year, but they couldn't offer me ongoing status due to lack of enrolments (Apparently they could offer other people ongoing contracts, but that's another story). And now, despite knowingly and willingly re-entering the school during a really tough transition phase, I'm being told that the school can offer me the following in support: zilch. Because I am not an ongoing staff member.
I've known all along there were no guarantees. But to hear that at best the new school will be able to accomodate all the ongoing teachers (and it's highly unlikely we'll achieve such a 'best' outcome), and to realise that all the rhetoric about supporting each other is essentially a blast of hot, meaningless air... well that's pretty sucky, really.
So tonight I applied for a job, and expressed interest in some others. And I may or may not leave my school, even though I have made great friends there, and I really do like my feral boys and it would KILL me to leave them in the lurch. And if nothing comes through and I'm still at this school at the end of the year and fighting tooth and nail for a job somewhere, well, it's not like it's the first time I've joined the rat race. I just didn't really want to :(
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Hot or Not
So I had a bit of a shock moment yesterday. Out of nowhere, I have become a Hot Teacher. I’m used to being a Nice Teacher, or being told I am a Cool Teacher, but Hot??? This is NOT a good thing.
I don’t know, maybe it was the outfit: Nothing short, Nothing cleavage-y; shirt dress, belt, boots, scarf in hair. Other teachers thought I looked nice; I had a whole heap of compliments on my outfit. All good. But then I got comments from my students.
The first was a throwaway line about my boots being made for walking. Yeah, that’s still ok. Then I got told I looked very nice, especially my hair. All of that was a bit weird, but still fine. But it was the LOOKS.
At previous schools, I have had boys with crushes on me. I even had a kid ask repeatedly if I’d marry him (I had to decline). But I have never felt like I was being Checked Out. Yesterday went up several levels from what I'm used to. Yesterday involved leering. Ugh.
There are days when teaching at a boys’ school feels like working in a zoo. On days like yesterday, it feels like a construction site, stopping just short of wolf whistles.
It may be completely unrelated that another student decided to try out a pick up line on me at recess. Apparently heaven is missing an angel. Sigh.
I don’t know, maybe it was the outfit: Nothing short, Nothing cleavage-y; shirt dress, belt, boots, scarf in hair. Other teachers thought I looked nice; I had a whole heap of compliments on my outfit. All good. But then I got comments from my students.
The first was a throwaway line about my boots being made for walking. Yeah, that’s still ok. Then I got told I looked very nice, especially my hair. All of that was a bit weird, but still fine. But it was the LOOKS.
At previous schools, I have had boys with crushes on me. I even had a kid ask repeatedly if I’d marry him (I had to decline). But I have never felt like I was being Checked Out. Yesterday went up several levels from what I'm used to. Yesterday involved leering. Ugh.
There are days when teaching at a boys’ school feels like working in a zoo. On days like yesterday, it feels like a construction site, stopping just short of wolf whistles.
It may be completely unrelated that another student decided to try out a pick up line on me at recess. Apparently heaven is missing an angel. Sigh.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Patron Saint of the Lost
My (extremely expensive prescription) sunglasses have been missing for days. So long that I couldn't remember the last time I'd worn them, only the moment I looked in my glasses case and discovered their absence. This was Friday night, and after a thorough home search I convinced myself they were on my desk at school.
Only they weren't. Nor, once I emailed the staff, had they been seen by anyone at school(although I received about twenty emails reminding me that the principal had found a pair after a meeting. They were not mine, nor anywhere in their league/ price range).
I started to panic. I searched the house again. I searched my car. I rang family I'd visited asking if they'd seen them. And then I despaired.
I remembered how I'd lost my next most expensive item, my i-pod, on the flight back from Sydney. I wondered if, now that I had a full time job, but a tight budget, the universe was taunting me, testing whether I'd break my budget to replace them.
At last came the sad moment that I decided to remove the empty, useless sunglass case from my handbag. In a desperately hopeful gesture, I left the case open, in case my glasses found their way home...
They did. In less than a minute, I spotted them on a shelf, hidden under a toy horse (don't ask). A colleague suggested leaving the glasses-case open was a silent prayer to St Anthony, the patron saint of the lost. I don't know about that; I'm just wondering if I should leave my i-pod box open somewhere and wait for its return...
Only they weren't. Nor, once I emailed the staff, had they been seen by anyone at school(although I received about twenty emails reminding me that the principal had found a pair after a meeting. They were not mine, nor anywhere in their league/ price range).
I started to panic. I searched the house again. I searched my car. I rang family I'd visited asking if they'd seen them. And then I despaired.
I remembered how I'd lost my next most expensive item, my i-pod, on the flight back from Sydney. I wondered if, now that I had a full time job, but a tight budget, the universe was taunting me, testing whether I'd break my budget to replace them.
At last came the sad moment that I decided to remove the empty, useless sunglass case from my handbag. In a desperately hopeful gesture, I left the case open, in case my glasses found their way home...
They did. In less than a minute, I spotted them on a shelf, hidden under a toy horse (don't ask). A colleague suggested leaving the glasses-case open was a silent prayer to St Anthony, the patron saint of the lost. I don't know about that; I'm just wondering if I should leave my i-pod box open somewhere and wait for its return...
Saturday, February 09, 2008
What? Where? Wait!
How does time go so fast? I seem to be doing so much, and yet so little. I both aim for more time to relax, and yet to be doing more new things. I think somehwre wsomething's gotta give, but I sure haven't worked out what it is yet.
Last post I started (although completed today it is dated the date intentioned for publishing!), I was working at Department of Human Services over the xmas break when beyondblue closed down.
I have started my new job teaching, back at Samaritan. Sadly it looks to be the final year of Samaritan, as we've been deemed too small to be viable and are being acquired as a campus of a laregr school. Totally dulls the sheen of a new year. We're coping and trying to keep focussed on the job at hand, but it's made difficult by the threat of teachers and staff moving to other schools, the general uncertainty of what will actually happen, and the constant undercurrent of unhappiness and tension.
This year I am Primary Breadwinner; Nick is studying full time for the next two years at VCA then RMIT which is awesome, but adds a whole new element to the relationship with this shared finance thing. But it's all good, I think, and completely awesome that Nick's at uni! Yay him.
Also Yay Nick for winning us a trip to Sydney last year. We finally enjoyed our prize, three nights at the very lush Taj Blue in Wooloomooloo. Upsides: all the frees; room, flights, limo ride, breakfast, cocktails at the bar; the service; the size of the room (enormous, apartment sized!); the chance to wander around Sydney with no agenda; the opportunity to hang our with Phillip; seeing 'Juno'; the yummy cocktails, which were awesome; a large bath in the room; joining a wine club at the airport. Downsides: the constant rain, which restricted our activites and soaked Nick's shoes through, so he had to buy new ones; not seeing Bon Jovi, even though he was eating at our hotel; me leaving my ipod on the plane. Stupid! But overall a great fun trip and a fantastic chance to relax before jumping into the school year.
Anyway, that reminds me of preparation I have to do. The most INSANE timetable (six days out of ten I have no breaks at all during the day) means I need to be super prepared ove rhte weekends. But hopefully once I get into the swing of it I'll also get back into the habit of blogging. Or not, if the 80 meals blog is any indication... we'll see.
Last post I started (although completed today it is dated the date intentioned for publishing!), I was working at Department of Human Services over the xmas break when beyondblue closed down.
I have started my new job teaching, back at Samaritan. Sadly it looks to be the final year of Samaritan, as we've been deemed too small to be viable and are being acquired as a campus of a laregr school. Totally dulls the sheen of a new year. We're coping and trying to keep focussed on the job at hand, but it's made difficult by the threat of teachers and staff moving to other schools, the general uncertainty of what will actually happen, and the constant undercurrent of unhappiness and tension.
This year I am Primary Breadwinner; Nick is studying full time for the next two years at VCA then RMIT which is awesome, but adds a whole new element to the relationship with this shared finance thing. But it's all good, I think, and completely awesome that Nick's at uni! Yay him.
Also Yay Nick for winning us a trip to Sydney last year. We finally enjoyed our prize, three nights at the very lush Taj Blue in Wooloomooloo. Upsides: all the frees; room, flights, limo ride, breakfast, cocktails at the bar; the service; the size of the room (enormous, apartment sized!); the chance to wander around Sydney with no agenda; the opportunity to hang our with Phillip; seeing 'Juno'; the yummy cocktails, which were awesome; a large bath in the room; joining a wine club at the airport. Downsides: the constant rain, which restricted our activites and soaked Nick's shoes through, so he had to buy new ones; not seeing Bon Jovi, even though he was eating at our hotel; me leaving my ipod on the plane. Stupid! But overall a great fun trip and a fantastic chance to relax before jumping into the school year.
Anyway, that reminds me of preparation I have to do. The most INSANE timetable (six days out of ten I have no breaks at all during the day) means I need to be super prepared ove rhte weekends. But hopefully once I get into the swing of it I'll also get back into the habit of blogging. Or not, if the 80 meals blog is any indication... we'll see.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Year in review
1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Travelled overseas (I'm not counting moving temporarily to Indonesia as travel!).
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I resolved not to make any resolutiones, I think... this year I am resolving to eat more vego food, and to increase the number of active classes I do, like dancing.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My 'aunt' Becky
4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather's brother died, but I didn't know him very well.
5. What countries did you visit? New Zealand, England, Belgium, France, Portugal, Spain, Italy, Austria, Germany and Czech Republic :)
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A secure job.
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? April 5- the date I stepped off the plane in England.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Travelling, rather than planning to travel, and learning to relax and enjoy it, even when travelling on my own (something which previously freaked me out).
9. What was your biggest failure? I don't believe in failure, provided you treat mistakes and sadnesses as an experience to learn from.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing major. Except I developed lactose intolerance (I think it's been brooding for some time).
11. What was the best thing you bought in 2007? My plane ticket to Europe.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? The majority of the Australian people, for voting out a government in power for too long.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Japanese whalers
14. Did you do to any weddings? No.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Gaudi, and architecture in general- a passion I didn't know I had!
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? I don't know names, but the French songs on Lisa's laptop, which she would play at a low volume while going to sleep.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:---happier or sadder? Happier
---thinner or heavier? Heavier, despite losing weight overseas
---richer or poorer? Poorer, but with absolutely no regrets about having spent
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Drinking in the atmosphere in places close to home.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stressing about things I can't change, and taking on other people's problems and anxieties as my own.
20. How did you spend Christmas? Eve at my dad's with his family, over an enormous roast dinner. Day at my aunt's with family, then at home with Nick and his sister. Boxing day with more family at another aunt's place. Oh so much eating :)
21. Did you fall in love in 2007? With Europe...
22. Were you rejected by anyone? No
23. What was your favorite TV program? I can't believe it, but I became addicted to two reality shows (dance, and model). Also loved Heroes.
24. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year? I don't think so
25. What was the best book you read? Brasil by Ian McDonald
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?Triple J in general. I know, I'm a little behind.
27. What did you want and got? Travel and time to myself
28. What did you want and did not get? More time! More opportunity to travel with loved ones.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? I honestly can't remember. I've seen some great films this year already though- Juno, Sweeney Todd, No country for old men.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 25 and was jetlagged from arriving the day before from Europe. Went to Lambs Go Bar with friends and failed to meet anywhere near my target of drinking a beer from every country I visited in Europe. Yeah, somewhat over-ambitious.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I don't know, it was a pretty good year. Nick having been able to meet me in Europe, perhaps.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Accessorised through European markets.
33. What kept you sane? Loved ones, freedom.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?Johnny. It's always been Johnny.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?Abortion, and whaling.
36. Who did you miss?Friends I've become more distant from in different ways
37. Who was the best new person you met? My Canadian, Dave, with whom I travelled through various European landscapes.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006. That I am capable of creating my own happiness and success.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "He walks away, the sun goes down, he takes the day but I'm grown. And it's ok, in this blue shade my tears dry on their own"... Basically not expecing other people be responsible for my emotional state, but taking responsibility myself.
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I resolved not to make any resolutiones, I think... this year I am resolving to eat more vego food, and to increase the number of active classes I do, like dancing.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My 'aunt' Becky
4. Did anyone close to you die? My grandfather's brother died, but I didn't know him very well.
5. What countries did you visit? New Zealand, England, Belgium, France, Portugal, Spain, Italy, Austria, Germany and Czech Republic :)
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A secure job.
7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? April 5- the date I stepped off the plane in England.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Travelling, rather than planning to travel, and learning to relax and enjoy it, even when travelling on my own (something which previously freaked me out).
9. What was your biggest failure? I don't believe in failure, provided you treat mistakes and sadnesses as an experience to learn from.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing major. Except I developed lactose intolerance (I think it's been brooding for some time).
11. What was the best thing you bought in 2007? My plane ticket to Europe.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? The majority of the Australian people, for voting out a government in power for too long.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Japanese whalers
14. Did you do to any weddings? No.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Gaudi, and architecture in general- a passion I didn't know I had!
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? I don't know names, but the French songs on Lisa's laptop, which she would play at a low volume while going to sleep.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:---happier or sadder? Happier
---thinner or heavier? Heavier, despite losing weight overseas
---richer or poorer? Poorer, but with absolutely no regrets about having spent
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Drinking in the atmosphere in places close to home.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Stressing about things I can't change, and taking on other people's problems and anxieties as my own.
20. How did you spend Christmas? Eve at my dad's with his family, over an enormous roast dinner. Day at my aunt's with family, then at home with Nick and his sister. Boxing day with more family at another aunt's place. Oh so much eating :)
21. Did you fall in love in 2007? With Europe...
22. Were you rejected by anyone? No
23. What was your favorite TV program? I can't believe it, but I became addicted to two reality shows (dance, and model). Also loved Heroes.
24. Do you dislike anyone now that you didn't dislike this time last year? I don't think so
25. What was the best book you read? Brasil by Ian McDonald
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?Triple J in general. I know, I'm a little behind.
27. What did you want and got? Travel and time to myself
28. What did you want and did not get? More time! More opportunity to travel with loved ones.
29. What was your favorite film of this year? I honestly can't remember. I've seen some great films this year already though- Juno, Sweeney Todd, No country for old men.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 25 and was jetlagged from arriving the day before from Europe. Went to Lambs Go Bar with friends and failed to meet anywhere near my target of drinking a beer from every country I visited in Europe. Yeah, somewhat over-ambitious.
31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I don't know, it was a pretty good year. Nick having been able to meet me in Europe, perhaps.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Accessorised through European markets.
33. What kept you sane? Loved ones, freedom.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?Johnny. It's always been Johnny.
35. What political issue stirred you the most?Abortion, and whaling.
36. Who did you miss?Friends I've become more distant from in different ways
37. Who was the best new person you met? My Canadian, Dave, with whom I travelled through various European landscapes.
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006. That I am capable of creating my own happiness and success.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "He walks away, the sun goes down, he takes the day but I'm grown. And it's ok, in this blue shade my tears dry on their own"... Basically not expecing other people be responsible for my emotional state, but taking responsibility myself.
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